areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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