I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
