based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
