I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
