No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
