Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
