Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
