A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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