hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
