Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize