Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
