i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
