i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
