i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
