i just wanna soil my oats bro
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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