I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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