***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
