Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My bed smells like the plague
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
