I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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