the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
