i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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