everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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