Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
