dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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