My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
