sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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