now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I look better un-naked...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
