you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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