my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
