highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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