Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
