What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
