she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
