You made me cry and you don't even care
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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