i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
