his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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