Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
