she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
