no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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