"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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