no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
