I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
