just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
