Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
