so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
