My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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