dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize