you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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