she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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