so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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