i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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