My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
