an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
