How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she looked like the before picture.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
