I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize