Where is the hickey?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
