distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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