Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
