I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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