respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
