What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i already hear my dad disowning me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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