dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
