This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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