my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
