the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
