You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No subtext here. People are naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
