how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
