my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
