Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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