if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
