Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm bleeding and have questions
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
