Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
